


got you beneath me

by soulofme



Series: we’re living in the moment [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 04:11:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12903756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulofme/pseuds/soulofme
Summary: i'm searching for the thrill. (it's you.)





	got you beneath me

Fingers digging tight into the meat of Jean's shoulder, Eren knocks his head back against the bed. Imagines drowning in a sea of feathers, buried beneath the heat and weight of Jean above him, around him, inside him. Tastes the regret on the back of his a tongue, a bitter pill he swallows down and hides in the deepest, darkest parts of him. Three years of tasting lies and falling apart beneath hands roughed up from life.

He feels more than sees how Jean reaches in and pulls out his secrets, makes them spill out into the space between them, imagines him cradling them close, a bird with broken wings that still wants to fly. He imagines Jean can see his sleeve, stained red where his heart once took up residence. It's blindingly white, sterile and unfeeling, and they both pretend it's not a casualty of their arrangement. It's not love, not even close, but it's just as messy and just as breathtaking.

He can feel Jean's desperation bleeding out into the pillows around them, manifesting in the scrape of teeth against his skin and the fingers pressing hand-shaped bruises into his hips, grounding and painful. Far too real. Eren shuts his eyes, turns his head to the side. Huffs out a heavy breath that gets twisted into a groan.

He's losing strength, both to continue and to end, and he feels it in how his arms go limp to his sides. Imagines the network of scratches on Jean's back. Pretends they're a maze leading to somewhere more beautiful, somewhere that makes sense. Easy navigation.

Fingers dance up his sides. Skim his ribs, one hand curled tight in his hair, fingers knotting the strands around them. The other pressed to the side of his throat, thumb down against his pulse, firm. Heavy. Rough and coaxing out an affirmation—  _yours, yours, just wanna be yours._

Eren turns onto his side of the bed, arms cradling his own face. Chest heaving. Not enough air. Not enough space between. Feels how Jean slides next to him, sticky skin, hand curled tight around his hip. He shuts his eyes hard. They're not here, things are different. In his dreams, at least. Not real life.

"I'm leaving."

Jean shatters the silence, an elbow propping him up so he can get a good look at Eren's face. Doesn't seem surprised by how blank it is. Smoothes a hand over the side of his face, catching his strong features and brushing against the patch of stubble on his jaw. His hands, wide palms and thick knuckles, could destroy Eren. Already have. Probably will again.

 _When? Where_ _?_

Questions Eren will never ask. He folds in on himself and pretends Jean isn't still lingering inside him, smeared against the inside of his thighs. There's an ache now, deep in his bones. Deep in his heart. In every goddamn inch of him.

"Okay," Eren manages.

His voice doesn't wobble. Jean seems satisfied. He's always satisfied.  _Why_ _?_ Eren doesn't know.

He leaves Eren in that motel room, surrounded by his scent. It doesn't make Eren feel anything. Not now. Not for a while now.

"I'll see you later." It feels like a promise. It wrecks Eren to his core.

"Okay." He's filled with hope, hope that can kill him.

 

— 

 

 _I'll do my best._ I can love you.

I want to trust you.  _Let me in_.

**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe i've posted 50 fics on this site W O W


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